| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| RockGolf |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 19:15:08
As per a recent poll on Sky Movies Comedy, the following are the 10 funniest movie gags of all time:
The top 10 funniest one liners of all times are as follows:
quote:
1. "Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!" - Kenneth Williams as Julius Caesar in Carry On Cleo (1964)
2. "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!" - Terry Jones as Brian's mum in Life Of Brian (1979)
3. "Surely you can't be serious?" "I am serious - and don't call me Shirley" - Leslie Nielsen as Dr Rumack in Airplane (1980)
4. "Remember you're fighting for this woman's honour, which is probably more than she ever did." - Groucho Marx as Rufus T Firefly in Duck Soup (1933)
5. "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." - Woody Allen as Alvy Singer in Annie Hall (1977)
6. "Do you have a licence for your minkey?" Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau in The Return of the Pink Panther (1975)
7. "Is that... is that hair gel?" - Cameron Diaz as Mary Jensen in There's Something About Mary (1998)
8. "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room." - Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley in Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb (1963)
9. "Nice beaver!" "Thank you. I just had it stuffed." - Leslie Nielsen as Lt Frank Drebin and Priscilla Presley as Jane Spencer in The Naked Gun: From The Files of Police Squad! (1988)
10. "When I met Mary I got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her" - Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber (1994).
Huh? That's it? C'mon people surely we can do better than that! (And don't call me Shirley.) Heck, I can come up with five better lines from Airplane! alone.
"Timmy, do you like gladiator movies?"
"Stewardess, I speak jive."
"We have to get these people to a hospital" "A hospital! Doctor, what is it?" "A big building with patients, but that's not important."
"Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue."
"Nervous?" "Yes." "First time?" "No, I've been nervous lots of times."
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| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Beanmimo |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 16:04:19
I still think that Groucho and the Brothers should fill up the top ten e.g.
I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. |
| redPen |
Posted - 04/17/2007 : 08:11:00
quote:
Originally posted by Downtown
quote:
Originally posted by BaftaBabe
M*A*S*H is full of wonderful lines. Here are a few:
First, some of those PA System Announcements:
[some wounded arrive at or around the middle of the night]
Attention, all personnel - we interrupt your sweet dreams to bring you the following nightmare.
[a Halloween party is in progress]
Attention, all personnel - some party guests have arrived - dressed as wounded soldiers.
Frank Burns: I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters.
Colonel Flagg: I can find anything.
Hawkeye: Can you find my virginity? I lost it twenty years ago and haven't seen it since.
B.J.: Have you ever considered renting your mouth out to the motor pool as a garage?
And my favourite:
Colonel Flagg: We've got files on people who haven't even been born.
Yeah but you missed the best ones!
"I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of such authority in the Army Medical Corps!"
"He was drafted."
"Henry, I have some reports here from your Major Houlihan that I frankly find hard to believe."
"Well, don't believe them then, General. Good-bye."
Love these, too:
Hawkeye: "I made it publicly known that there were fingerprints to be found on the stolen articles. Thereby tempting the criminal to repeat his crime...and retrieve his ill-gotten booty. Or, his ill-booten gotty."
Radar: "Do you know what's in this box? A brand-new suit."
Henry: "How did you know my size?"
Radar: "I traced you when you were asleep!"
Frank: "Oh, well, war is hell."
Hawkeye: "No, it isn't. War is war and hell is hell, and of the two, I think war is much worse."
Father Mulcahy: "How do you figure, Hawkeye?"
Hawkeye: "Tell me, father: Who goes to Hell?"
Father Mulcahy: "Sinners, I believe."
Hawkeye: "That's right. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock-full of them."
Hawkeye: "I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun."
Sidney Freedman: "Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice."
Zillions more, but these are top o' the charts! |
| Whippersnapper. |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 13:26:21
While we're on the Marx Bros, don't forget the incredible mirror routine!
And remember Buster Keaton!
A small one which comes to mind was in "The General" where Buster and his Belle are on the locomotive which is being chased, and she has to put the wood into the boiler as quickly as possible. She picks up one piece of wood which has a small hole in it, shakes her head and throws it away.
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| ChocolateLady |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 08:42:55
My favourite Marx Brothers gag was the one where Groucho and Chico are going over the contract in A Night at the Opera. Rather than quote it all, here's a "transcript" of it.
But as for "gags", how could we forget the famous scene in Adam's Rib where Spenser Tracy eats his gun!
(Licorice!)
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| Sean |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 03:19:26
quote:
Originally posted by thefoxboy
I got a really small dick, it's pathetic.
That's a shame. I haven't.
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| Stalean |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 23:31:37
quote:
Originally posted by Joe Blevins
quote:
Originally posted by benj clews
At the other end of the spectrum, I think quite possibly one of the worst gags of all time was Martin Short's joke about the 'Mail' plane in Three Amigos. Even now I flinch thinking about it.
Awful, simply awful.
That joke is painful, I'll admit, but in defense of Three Amigos, the following quotes page reveals that the movie has more than its share of memorable dialogue:
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0092086/quotes
On balance, I actually think Amigos is underrated.
I totally agree, Joe. |
| Chris C |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 20:33:53
quote:
Originally posted by BaftaBabe
M*A*S*H is full of wonderful lines. Here are a few:
Frank Burns: I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters.
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| Chris C |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 20:32:54
From Doctor in the House:
James Robertson Justice, (Surgeon Lancelot Spratt) is explaining the concept of "Bleeding Time" to the new young doctors following him round the wards. Dirk Bogarde is eyeing up the nurses and paying no attention.
JRR (catching DB by surprise) "You! What's the Bleeding Time?"
DB (hurriedly looking at watch) "Er, about half past three, sir."
From Carry On... Up the Khyber, during the finale. As the Khasi's troops are attacking the Governors residence and the Governor and friends are having dinner, bits of the ceiling are knocked off and land on the diners. Lady Ruff-Diamond (Joan Sims) says
"Oh dear! I seem to have got a little plastered!"
P.S. The review is now awaiting approval  |
| Whippersnapper. |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 18:26:09
[There are two small weevils crawling from a bread roll on the captain's table during dinner]
Captain: Doctor, which of those two weevils would you prefer?
Doctor: Oh, I couldn't tell.
Captain: But if you had to choose, which one would it be?
[Doctor carefully examines weevils]
Doctor: Well, if I had to choose it would be the one on the right, which is rather longer and plumper.
Captain: Ah, the usual mistake. One must always remember Doctor, in the Service one should always choose the lesser of two weevils.
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| Whippersnapper. |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 18:24:57
I suppose there are lots to choose from, but a current favourite is THE joke in "Master & Commander" which is particularly effective because it's unexpected.
Anyone who doesn't know it, and wants to, here it is:
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| RockGolf |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 16:36:34
quote:
Originally posted by Downtown
quote:
Originally posted by lemmycaution
The hair gel thing does not belong in a list of one hundred, let alone ten.
I must disagree.
I'm ambivilant. My wife & I saw "Mary" as a preview on a comedy double bill before any of the jokes became part of the culture. When that scene was taking place, we could tell Cameron was saying something in the scene but the entire audience was laughing out loud, so we couldn't make out a word she said.
So, yes, the line brings to mind a hilarous scene, but actually it was superfluous to the humour. |
| RockGolf |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 16:16:19
Groucho as Captain Spalding, the African Explorer:
"One day I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I'll never know. The we tried to remove his tusks but we couldn't. So we took him to Alabama where the Tuscaloosa." |
| BaftaBaby |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 15:44:02
Three more priceless Grouchos - all from the same scene:
It's Horsefeathers, set on a college campus. He invites Connie, "college widow" for a rowboat ride - she, of course, winds up paddling. She muses:
"Oh, Professor, I could go on like this drifting and dreaming forever. What a day! Spring in the air!"
Groucho: "Who me? I should spring in the air and fall in the lake?"
"Oh, Professor," she retorts, "you're so full of whimsy."
Groucho: "Can you notice it from there? I'm always that way after I eat radishes."
And later, they row past a duck, who quacks. And Groucho says:
"Was that you or the duck?"
Okay - one more.
He's taking someone's pulse - I think it's in A Day at the Races - and he looks at the patient, looks at his wrist and says:
"Either you're dead or my watch stopped."
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| Beanmimo |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 15:31:38
Margaret Dumont (about her husband): I was with him till the end. I held him in my arms.
Groucho: So It was murder?!?
...and not so long after that
Groucho to Margaret Dumont "Will you marry me? Did your husband leave you any money? Answer the second question first." |
| Downtown |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 14:44:05
quote:
Originally posted by lemmycaution
The hair gel thing does not belong in a list of one hundred, let alone ten.
I must disagree. |
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