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BaftaBaby 
"Always entranced by cinema."
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 Posted - 04/05/2007 : 06:58:05
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M*A*S*H is full of wonderful lines. Here are a few:
First, some of those PA System Announcements:
[some wounded arrive at or around the middle of the night]
Attention, all personnel - we interrupt your sweet dreams to bring you the following nightmare.
[a Halloween party is in progress]
Attention, all personnel - some party guests have arrived - dressed as wounded soldiers.
Frank Burns: I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters.
Colonel Flagg: I can find anything.
Hawkeye: Can you find my virginity? I lost it twenty years ago and haven't seen it since.
B.J.: Have you ever considered renting your mouth out to the motor pool as a garage?
And my favourite:
Colonel Flagg: We've got files on people who haven't even been born.
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MisterBadIdea 
"PLZ GET MILK, KTHXBYE"
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 07:10:48
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| Ray... if someone asks you if you're a god, you say "Yes"!. |
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Downtown 
"Welcome back, Billy Buck"
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 14:40:51
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quote:
Originally posted by BaftaBabe
M*A*S*H is full of wonderful lines. Here are a few:
First, some of those PA System Announcements:
[some wounded arrive at or around the middle of the night]
Attention, all personnel - we interrupt your sweet dreams to bring you the following nightmare.
[a Halloween party is in progress]
Attention, all personnel - some party guests have arrived - dressed as wounded soldiers.
Frank Burns: I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters.
Colonel Flagg: I can find anything.
Hawkeye: Can you find my virginity? I lost it twenty years ago and haven't seen it since.
B.J.: Have you ever considered renting your mouth out to the motor pool as a garage?
And my favourite:
Colonel Flagg: We've got files on people who haven't even been born.
Yeah but you missed the best ones!
"I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of such authority in the Army Medical Corps!"
"He was drafted."
"Henry, I have some reports here from your Major Houlihan that I frankly find hard to believe."
"Well, don't believe them then, General. Good-bye." |
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Downtown
"Welcome back, Billy Buck"
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 14:44:05
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quote:
Originally posted by lemmycaution
The hair gel thing does not belong in a list of one hundred, let alone ten.
I must disagree. |
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Beanmimo
"August review site"
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 15:31:38
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Margaret Dumont (about her husband): I was with him till the end. I held him in my arms.
Groucho: So It was murder?!?
...and not so long after that
Groucho to Margaret Dumont "Will you marry me? Did your husband leave you any money? Answer the second question first." |
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BaftaBaby
"Always entranced by cinema."
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 15:44:02
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Three more priceless Grouchos - all from the same scene:
It's Horsefeathers, set on a college campus. He invites Connie, "college widow" for a rowboat ride - she, of course, winds up paddling. She muses:
"Oh, Professor, I could go on like this drifting and dreaming forever. What a day! Spring in the air!"
Groucho: "Who me? I should spring in the air and fall in the lake?"
"Oh, Professor," she retorts, "you're so full of whimsy."
Groucho: "Can you notice it from there? I'm always that way after I eat radishes."
And later, they row past a duck, who quacks. And Groucho says:
"Was that you or the duck?"
Okay - one more.
He's taking someone's pulse - I think it's in A Day at the Races - and he looks at the patient, looks at his wrist and says:
"Either you're dead or my watch stopped."
 
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Edited by - BaftaBaby on 04/05/2007 15:45:08 |
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RockGolf 
"1500+ reviews. 1 joke."
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 16:16:19
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Groucho as Captain Spalding, the African Explorer:
"One day I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I'll never know. The we tried to remove his tusks but we couldn't. So we took him to Alabama where the Tuscaloosa." |
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RockGolf
"1500+ reviews. 1 joke."
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 16:36:34
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quote:
Originally posted by Downtown
quote:
Originally posted by lemmycaution
The hair gel thing does not belong in a list of one hundred, let alone ten.
I must disagree.
I'm ambivilant. My wife & I saw "Mary" as a preview on a comedy double bill before any of the jokes became part of the culture. When that scene was taking place, we could tell Cameron was saying something in the scene but the entire audience was laughing out loud, so we couldn't make out a word she said.
So, yes, the line brings to mind a hilarous scene, but actually it was superfluous to the humour. |
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Whippersnapper. 
"A fourword thinking guy."
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 18:24:57
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I suppose there are lots to choose from, but a current favourite is THE joke in "Master & Commander" which is particularly effective because it's unexpected.
Anyone who doesn't know it, and wants to, here it is:
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Edited by - Whippersnapper. on 04/05/2007 18:25:53 |
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Whippersnapper.
"A fourword thinking guy."
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 18:26:09
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[There are two small weevils crawling from a bread roll on the captain's table during dinner]
Captain: Doctor, which of those two weevils would you prefer?
Doctor: Oh, I couldn't tell.
Captain: But if you had to choose, which one would it be?
[Doctor carefully examines weevils]
Doctor: Well, if I had to choose it would be the one on the right, which is rather longer and plumper.
Captain: Ah, the usual mistake. One must always remember Doctor, in the Service one should always choose the lesser of two weevils.
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Edited by - Whippersnapper. on 04/05/2007 18:27:04 |
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Chris C
"Four words, never backwards."
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 20:32:54
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From Doctor in the House:
James Robertson Justice, (Surgeon Lancelot Spratt) is explaining the concept of "Bleeding Time" to the new young doctors following him round the wards. Dirk Bogarde is eyeing up the nurses and paying no attention.
JRR (catching DB by surprise) "You! What's the Bleeding Time?"
DB (hurriedly looking at watch) "Er, about half past three, sir."
From Carry On... Up the Khyber, during the finale. As the Khasi's troops are attacking the Governors residence and the Governor and friends are having dinner, bits of the ceiling are knocked off and land on the diners. Lady Ruff-Diamond (Joan Sims) says
"Oh dear! I seem to have got a little plastered!"
P.S. The review is now awaiting approval  |
Edited by - Chris C on 04/05/2007 20:34:26 |
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Chris C
"Four words, never backwards."
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 20:33:53
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quote:
Originally posted by BaftaBabe
M*A*S*H is full of wonderful lines. Here are a few:
Frank Burns: I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters.
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Stalean
"Back...OMG"
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Posted - 04/05/2007 : 23:31:37
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quote:
Originally posted by Joe Blevins
quote:
Originally posted by benj clews
At the other end of the spectrum, I think quite possibly one of the worst gags of all time was Martin Short's joke about the 'Mail' plane in Three Amigos. Even now I flinch thinking about it.
Awful, simply awful.
That joke is painful, I'll admit, but in defense of Three Amigos, the following quotes page reveals that the movie has more than its share of memorable dialogue:
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0092086/quotes
On balance, I actually think Amigos is underrated.
I totally agree, Joe. |
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Sean
"Necrosphenisciform anthropophagist."
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Posted - 04/06/2007 : 03:19:26
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quote:
Originally posted by thefoxboy
I got a really small dick, it's pathetic.
That's a shame. I haven't.
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Edited by - Sean on 04/06/2007 03:20:14 |
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ChocolateLady 
"500 Chocolate Delights"
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Posted - 04/06/2007 : 08:42:55
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My favourite Marx Brothers gag was the one where Groucho and Chico are going over the contract in A Night at the Opera. Rather than quote it all, here's a "transcript" of it.
But as for "gags", how could we forget the famous scene in Adam's Rib where Spenser Tracy eats his gun!
(Licorice!)
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Edited by - ChocolateLady on 04/06/2007 08:43:12 |
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Topic |
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Top 10 Gags of All Time
