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Conan The Westy 
"Father, Faithful Friend, Fwiffer"
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 Posted - 01/26/2007 : 00:19:26
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quote:
Originally posted by AIRBOLT
BTW a news story about a UK pensioner came to my attention and might cause different reactions on each side of the Atlantic.
" Mrs Smith , 63 , bravely beat off a man who had broken into her house"
Mind you , for years the Prime Minister has been "beating off" the opposition without so much as a smirk from the UK reading public.
Are you suggesting she may get repeat business? |
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w22dheartlivie
"Kitty Lover"
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Posted - 01/27/2007 : 18:30:39
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quote:
Originally posted by AIRBOLT
It wasn't " Big Bob's Booby Trap " was it? Or was that in Bloom County . I get so confused these days!
Must be Bloom County. I can't remember the name of it, but I'm fairly certain it had a sports theme.
John Madden was in San Diego to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone near the Charger bench. He asked Rivers what it was used for and was told it was a hotline to God. John asked if he could use it. Rivers replied, �Sure, but it will cost you $200.� John scratched his head, then thought, what the heck, I could use some help picking games. He pulled out his wallet and paid $200. John�s picks were perfect that week.
The next week John was in New England when he noticed that same kind of phone on the Patriots bench. He asked what the telephone was for and Tom Brady told him, �It�s a hotline to God. If you want to use it, it will cost you $500.� Recalling last week, John pulled out his wallet and made the call. John�s picks were perfect again that week.
The next weekend John was in Indianapolis when he noticed the same kind of telephone by the Colts bench. He asked Peyton Manning, �Is that the hotline to God?� Peyton said, �Yes, and if you want to use it, it will cost you 35 cents.� John looked incredulously at Manning and said, �Wait a second, I just paid $200. in San Diego and $500 in New England to use the same phone to God! Why do the Colts only charge 35 cents?� Peyton looked at John and replied, �Because in Indiana, it�s a local call.�
GO COLTS!!
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Conan The Westy
"Father, Faithful Friend, Fwiffer"
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Posted - 01/28/2007 : 10:39:44
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Lets try some Aussie culture (courtesy of my brother Markandlain)
One for the Port Adelaide fans
(I'm sure these could be converted to other football codes as well)
Port Adelaide Maths Exam
1. If Chad Cornes head is 20cm up his a*se, and he wedges it a further 5cm, how much of his neck can you see?
2. If Mark Williams (the coach) has gained 25kg in the last year, and he has eaten 450 pies in that time, how much weight has put on per pie?
(Bonus point) How many pies are left over for Stuart Dew?
3. If there are 30,000 Power fans at AAMI stadium, and 10,000 cars are stolen, how many are Commodores?
4. If a Power fan drinks 15 cans of Woodstock during a match and Port lose, how many times will he hit his wife?
5. If Daniel Motlop has a set shot 15m out after the siren to win the game, which shop in West Lakes Mall will he hit?
6. If Alberton was to burn to ground completely, killing everyone in the surrounding area, how much would the average IQ of South Australia rise by?
7. If Byron Pickett rolled his car at a speed of 120km/h, and his blood alcohol level was .134, how much did he win on the pokies that night?
8. If Peter Burgoyne has slept with 5 women, and 2 were consensual, how many lawsuits will he face?
9. If 10,000 Port fans walk down a muddy path, how many different ugg boot imprints will be seen?
10. An inanimate carbon rod is lined up against Matthew Bishop. How many goals will the rod kick?
11. If Dean Brogan punches 8 people at the airport, how many policemen will it take to subdue his chin?
12. If Warren Tredrea loses 8000 hairs on his head per year, how many years until he looks like Nigel Smart?
13. If a Port fan has 7 kids to 5 different fathers, work out the combined total she will get from a) child support; b) baby bonus; c) dole cheque; d) Centrelink fraud, and e) car theft.
14. If two season tickets cost $350, how many dodgy Workcover claims will you have to file to get them?
15. How many stolen TV's will you have to trade in at Cash Converters to buy enough teal paint to hot up your Gemini?
16. If 2000 Port fans travel to Elizabeth for a Centrals game and Port lose by 1 point, how long will the ensuing race riots last for?
17. If the Power have 50,000 fans and only 1500 turn up to Port Magpies games, how many are pathetic bandwagoners?
18. If Kane Cornes fell to the ground like a girl 0.3 seconds after Barry Hall threatened to punch him, how many times did he sh*t himself in those 0.3 seconds?
19.Sharon, a lifelong Port supporter, sits with the Power cheersquad behind the goals. If she has taken out an Apprehended Violence Order against Darryl, her second husband, how far down the wing will he have to sit so as to not breach the restraining order? |
Edited by - Conan The Westy on 02/01/2007 01:06:12 |
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Airbolt 
"teil mann, teil maschine"
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Posted - 01/31/2007 : 23:28:59
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I wouldnt mind watching the Paul Hogan TV show again - some very funny moments of a Benny Hill nature such as
* Hawaii 5-0 sketch
* "Super Dag" Invaders
* His character wearing disturbingly tight Aussie Rules Shorts
* The sketch in the supermarket featuring a Bacon Slicer and melons!
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Edited by - Airbolt on 01/31/2007 23:33:17 |
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randall 
"I like to watch."
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 00:53:19
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quote:
Originally posted by Conan The Westy
Lets try som Aussie culture (courtesy of my brother Markandlain)
One for the Port Adelaide fans
(I'm sure these could be converted to other football codes as well)
Port Adelaide Maths Exam
1. If Chad Cornes head is 20cm up his a*se, and he wedges it a further 5cm, how much of his neck can you see?
2. If Mark Williams (the coach) has gained 25kg in the last year, and he has eaten 450 pies in that time, how much weight has put on per pie?
(Bonus point) How many pies are left over for Stuart Dew?
3. If there are 30,000 Power fans at AAMI stadium, and 10,000 cars are stolen, how many are Commodores?
4. If a Power fan drinks 15 cans of Woodstock during a match and Port lose, how many times will he hit his wife?
5. If Daniel Motlop has a set shot 15m out after the siren to win the game, which shop in West Lakes Mall will he hit?
6. If Alberton was to burn to ground completely, killing everyone in the surrounding area, how much would the average IQ of South Australia rise by?
7. If Byron Pickett rolled his car at a speed of 120km/h, and his blood alcohol level was .134, how much did he win on the pokies that night?
8. If Peter Burgoyne has slept with 5 women, and 2 were consensual, how many lawsuits will he face?
9. If 10,000 Port fans walk down a muddy path, how many different ugg boot imprints will be seen?
10. An inanimate carbon rod is lined up against Matthew Bishop. How many goals will the rod kick?
11. If Dean Brogan punches 8 people at the airport, how many policemen will it take to subdue his chin?
12. If Warren Tredrea loses 8000 hairs on his head per year, how many years until he looks like Nigel Smart?
13. If a Port fan has 7 kids to 5 different fathers, work out the combined total she will get from a) child support; b) baby bonus; c) dole cheque; d) Centrelink fraud, and e) car theft.
14. If two season tickets cost $350, how many dodgy Workcover claims will you have to file to get them?
15. How many stolen TV's will you have to trade in at Cash Converters to buy enough teal paint to hot up your Gemini?
16. If 2000 Port fans travel to Elizabeth for a Centrals game and Port lose by 1 point, how long will the ensuing race riots last for?
17. If the Power have 50,000 fans and only 1500 turn up to Port Magpies games, how many are pathetic bandwagoners?
18. If Kane Cornes fell to the ground like a girl 0.3 seconds after Barry Hall threatened to punch him, how many times did he sh*t himself in those 0.3 seconds?
19.Sharon, a lifelong Port supporter, sits with the Power cheersquad behind the goals. If she has taken out an Apprehended Violence Order against Darryl, her second husband, how far down the wing will he have to sit so as to not breach the restraining order?
Huh? |
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Conan The Westy
"Father, Faithful Friend, Fwiffer"
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 01:07:23
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quote:
Originally posted by Randall
quote:
Originally posted by Conan The Westy
Lets try some Aussie culture (courtesy of my brother Markandlain)
One for the Port Adelaide fans
(I'm sure these could be converted to other football codes as well)
Port Adelaide Maths Exam
1. If Chad Cornes head is 20cm up his a*se, and he wedges it a further 5cm, how much of his neck can you see?
...
19.Sharon, a lifelong Port supporter, sits with the Power cheersquad behind the goals. If she has taken out an Apprehended Violence Order against Darryl, her second husband, how far down the wing will he have to sit so as to not breach the restraining order?
Huh?
Exactly |
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Sean
"Necrosphenisciform anthropophagist."
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 02:51:19
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ragingfluff 
"Currently lost in Canada"
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 15:25:20
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[quote]Originally posted by Randall
For my English friends:
Whenever I'm cooking in the kitchen, I don't have digital cable service, just the basic kind. So I usually watch either C-Span or PBS, the latter which at this time of day is usually British series. Here was one just today. Something called, I think, KEEPING UP APPEARANCES, but I'm not sure. I watched an entire episode. Incredibly dumb sitcom, ridiculous laugh track. [Yes, I know, PYTHON had one too.] In between sauteeing and the like, I was heartened to realize that you yobbos have to wade through as much dreck on TV as we do. [People's Exhibit #1: THE YOUNG ONES!]
Excuse me, but Keeping Up Appearances and The Young Ones should not appear in the same sentence, unless the sentence is
"Keeping Up Appearances is an offense to anyone with a sense of humour, and The Young Ones represents the zenith of comedy writing."
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randall
"I like to watch."
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 15:27:52
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quote:
Originally posted by ragingfluff
[quote]Originally posted by Randall
For my English friends:
Whenever I'm cooking in the kitchen, I don't have digital cable service, just the basic kind. So I usually watch either C-Span or PBS, the latter which at this time of day is usually British series. Here was one just today. Something called, I think, KEEPING UP APPEARANCES, but I'm not sure. I watched an entire episode. Incredibly dumb sitcom, ridiculous laugh track. [Yes, I know, PYTHON had one too.] In between sauteeing and the like, I was heartened to realize that you yobbos have to wade through as much dreck on TV as we do. [People's Exhibit #1: THE YOUNG ONES!]
Excuse me, but Keeping Up Appearances and The Young Ones should not appear in the same sentence, unless the sentence is
"Keeping Up Appearances is an offense to anyone with a sense of humour, and The Young Ones represents the zenith of comedy writing."
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randall
"I like to watch."
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 15:29:31
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| Should add that EXTRAS is making me want to go back and find THE EAST ENDERS, just so I can see poor Barry do his stuff.. |
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ragingfluff
"Currently lost in Canada"
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 15:41:44
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[/quote]
My Hero was definately not Ardal O Hanlon's Best work ( in fact he had now dropped out altho the series lumbers on ). However he is terrific in Father Ted( For anyone unfamiliar , a programme about three Irish Priests "exiled" to a remote Irish Parish . People either love it or hate it )
[/quote]
Agreed. FATHER TED is comic brilliance...it's interesting that a lot of the "truly classic" comedies had pathetic, earlier versions to work from/avoid the mistakes of:
For instance, FATHER TED could have been LEAVE IT TO MRS O'BRIEN
COUPLING could have become a British clone of FRIENDS, but thankfully didn't
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Demisemicenturian
"Four ever European"
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 16:37:10
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quote:
Originally posted by ragingfluff
FATHER TED is comic brilliance.
Have you seen the comic furore related to it this week? There is going to be a celebration of it in the Aran Islands (which are widely regarded as where the programme is essentially set) later in the month, at the ninth anniversary of Dermot Morgan's death. A feud has developed between the inhabitants of Inis Mor and Inis Oirr about which is 'really' Craggy Island and which just has to be Rugged Island. They are going to have a five-a-side football match (unfortunately probably not restricted to priests over 75) to settle the matter.  |
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ragingfluff
"Currently lost in Canada"
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 17:59:02
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quote:
Originally posted by Salopian
quote:
Originally posted by ragingfluff
FATHER TED is comic brilliance.
Have you seen the comic furore related to it this week? There is going to be a celebration of it in the Aran Islands (which are widely regarded as where the programme is essentially set) later in the month, at the ninth anniversary of Dermot Morgan's death. A feud has developed between the inhabitants of Inis Mor and Inis Oirr about which is 'really' Craggy Island and which just has to be Rugged Island. They are going to have a five-a-side football match (unfortunately probably not restricted to priests over 75) to settle the matter.
That brings tears to my eyes... really, that's just brilliant...
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Downtown 
"Welcome back, Billy Buck"
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 18:26:56
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quote:
Originally posted by ragingfluff
[quote]Originally posted by Randall
For my English friends:
Whenever I'm cooking in the kitchen, I don't have digital cable service, just the basic kind. So I usually watch either C-Span or PBS, the latter which at this time of day is usually British series. Here was one just today. Something called, I think, KEEPING UP APPEARANCES, but I'm not sure. I watched an entire episode. Incredibly dumb sitcom, ridiculous laugh track. [Yes, I know, PYTHON had one too.] In between sauteeing and the like, I was heartened to realize that you yobbos have to wade through as much dreck on TV as we do. [People's Exhibit #1: THE YOUNG ONES!]
Excuse me, but Keeping Up Appearances and The Young Ones should not appear in the same sentence, unless the sentence is
"Keeping Up Appearances is an offense to anyone with a sense of humour, and The Young Ones represents the zenith of comedy writing."
Don't mince words fluff, tell us what you really think!  |
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Airbolt
"teil mann, teil maschine"
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Posted - 02/01/2007 : 23:30:54
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quote:
Originally posted by ragingfluff
quote:
Originally posted by Salopian
quote:
Originally posted by ragingfluff
FATHER TED is comic brilliance.
Have you seen the comic furore related to it this week? There is going to be a celebration of it in the Aran Islands (which are widely regarded as where the programme is essentially set) later in the month, at the ninth anniversary of Dermot Morgan's death. A feud has developed between the inhabitants of Inis Mor and Inis Oirr about which is 'really' Craggy Island and which just has to be Rugged Island. They are going to have a five-a-side football match (unfortunately probably not restricted to priests over 75) to settle the matter.
That brings tears to my eyes... really, that's just brilliant...
Priceless |
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Topic |
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How much British/U.S. culture confounds MERPs?
